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Anna Tomas - Self-healing, the Search for Community and Why I Left Subud
Being Myself, not Being Subud. From Bronte, October 3, 2010. Time 3:23
One more Subudian bites the dust!
I have bitten enough dust too. Only the word starts with "B"
But recently tying to sort out why my home group split years ago I came to the conclusion that I HAD Come To The Conclusion - of my involvement with Subud. Then I found I can get the man out of Subud, but I can't get Subud out of the man. As you, and Gregory, seem to have found yourselves.
I was told by Bapak, the day I met him, to "Stand up boy", because, being Yoga trained then (at 17 years old) I thought one should kneel before the Great Teacher! Wrong!
He again told me exactly the same words in 1972, and now I think I am beginning to grasp Bapak's point.
Even if he was actually telling me not do do something I was not doing (1972). I had been standing in front of him when I started latihan (1972) and just felt to kneel down to do latihan. Maybe he thought I was kneeling To Him - Again! Not so!
Anyway. Stand up, be alone, be One person before the Universal life, that's it. That's what he meant.
No Subud un-brotherhood, no ritual, dogma, etc.
The tangled web of Subud Think would never have let you see this when you first encountered it. Almost no one can it seems.
Just like your psychology showed you.
I have to be myself.
I actually feel a life move in me, different from Subud, when I tell myself to just BE in front of The Great Life of the Universe, at any time or day. Just like latihan was, but not Subud now.
Still it is in me.
It does not go away.
But some of my horror of being In Subud has.
We do not need saving from Subud.
Just from ourselves. For me, it is still beginning.
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