“Frozen in Time”
By Sahlan
Diver
Click this link to read the PDF VERSION
of this article
Click this link to SEND FEEDBACK on the article
Click this link to VIEW FEEDBACK on the
author's articles
The following is a play script. It is not an article
or story. It contains dialogue, designed to be spoken, and directions for
acting and staging. The best way to
read a play script is by imagining it as an unfolding performance.
The author is currently writing a play for the
commercial theatre about the behaviour of the members of a fading and
little-known spiritual movement (not called Subud) who imagine, while
they progressively lose touch with reality, that they have a divinely
guaranteed destiny to save the world from itself. This is not that play. This play in one act is purely for
a Subud audience.
Susan Weston -
An office secretary.
Sister HailyMe –
A Subud member. (pron. Hail- ee – Me )
Brother Joseph –
A Subud member.
Doctor –
A lady doctor.
Greg Taylor
A hospital doctor’s room furnished mid stage left with
a large desk and two chairs, one at the front and one at the back of it. Behind
the doctor’s desk, is a closed door, apparently to a connecting room.
Front stage right there is a sofa. Behind the sofa is
a closed door apparently to a corridor. A chair is placed next to the door.
Back stage left is a privacy screen, over which are
draped various items of a woman’s clothing, and also a fluffy pink
over-garment. At the foot of the screen is placed a large, lady’s handbag.
On the back stage wall there is a large window
looking out onto the sky. We see the tops of futuristic city buildings (the room itself is on the top floor of
a tall building).
The furniture and fittings in the room, the clothing
worn by the people and the view out of the back window suggest a time in the
distant future. The set and costume design is in an idiom characteristic of
second-rate, sci-fi B movies of the 1950’s.
(The stage is in darkness)
(Fade up sound of
loud ticking oven-timer and background hum)
(After several
seconds, fade up all stage lighting)
(We see stage right
of the back window, two upright boxes with transparent sides and no doors. The
boxes are labelled “Operation Box #1” and “Operation Box #2” One box is empty.
In the other box SUSAN WESTON is held in by two straps. Although standing
upright, she appears to be asleep. She is wearing a bikini. A beam of deep red
light is continually scanning across her stomach area, making a curious humming
noise as it does so. There is also the continuous sound of a very loud ticking
oven-timer)
(HAILYME is sitting
on the sofa, fidgeting with her handbag, waiting expectantly for something to
happen. JOSEPH is standing by the window, looking out)
_ _ _
(JOSEPH stops looking out of the
window and turns to look at Susan in the box)
JOSEPH (To
HAILYME) Do you know her?
HAILYME That’s
Susan. She works in our office.
JOSEPH (Looking Susan up and down)
I thought I recognised __the face. Anything serious?
HAILYME A
large stomach tumour.
JOSEPH I see. __ They can get that out in about what __ ?
HAILYME Ten
minutes of hyper-frequency laser.
JOSEPH Not too bad then___ And she’ll
be recovered and back to work__?
HAILYME They say at about a quarter to
two. Just time for a coffee before the two o’clock meeting.
JOSEPH Amazing
what they can achieve nowadays isn’t it?
HAILYME Yes, it’s only ten years since
an operation like that meant you had to take the whole morning off work.
JOSEPH No
doubt she’ll feel a little sore after the op.
HAILYME They’ll
teleport her straight back to her desk.
JOSEPH It’s the best way. Expensive
though. Much cheaper by jet-pack. In
fact is teleporting really necessary? (He points out of the window) I mean, look there’s the Hyperion Tower.
She’d fly straight off the hospital roof, jet round the tower and land at
Smith Plaza. Hover-skate through the shopping mall and she’s there.
HAILYME She’s not paying. It’s all on
the company health insurance.
JOSEPH Ah the good old, company
insurance plan. Trust the company to give you all the benefits it can muster.
In return they’ve got you for life. Got you by the balls, so to sp_
(He breaks off, seeing a look of disapproval on Hailyme’s face)
Sorry I didn’t mean
to be crude. Not the sort of expression you want to use in a hospital, is it?.
I mean, of all places (Laughs) (HAILYME doesn’t share the joke)
(Awkward
silence)
HAILYME (Brightly)
This is all very exciting, Brother Joseph.
JOSEPH Yes indeed, Sister HailyMe. A
unique opportunity. A heaven-sent opportunity, we might say.
(slight
pause)
HAILYME I
feel it must have been meant.
JOSEPH Yes, a sign that Soobood is
finally ready to go out into the world. All those millenia of latiharn have
finally paid off.
(slight
pause)
HAILYME Do you think he knew
BarPark?
JOSEPH Knew him personally, as a
friend you mean, or just spoke with him once or twice?
HAILYME Either would be fantastic.
JOSEPH Yes, wouldn’t it?
(There is a sound
from the adjoining room. HAILYME stands up expectantly)
(The noise stops and there is only silence from next door. HAILYME sits down again. JOSEPH sits down next to her)
JOSEPH Perhaps
we’re hoping for too much.
HAILYME Hoping
for _ ? Oh, you mean the “Opening Words” !
JOSEPH If only he could enlighten us.
Having the right opening words will make all the difference to Soobood.
HAILYME Surely he’d know them off by
heart? They would have been vital in the early days.
JOSEPH But suppose his memory has
been damaged with the passing of time?
HAILYME Do
you think he’ll be allright?
JOSEPH I
hope so.
HAILYME It’s incredible. Mankind has
made discoveries our ancestors could only dream of, yet nobody so far has
managed to achieve suspended animation.
JOSEPH Apart
from Subud.
HAILYME Apart
from Greg Taylor, you mean
JOSEPH Well, he is a Subud member.
HAILYME And the scientists said it
couldn’t be done.
JOSEPH (Standing up) Scientists!
So arrogant, thinking they know the meaning of everything. Lucky that we
have testing, eh, so we know where everyone else goes astray?
(The LADY DOCTOR enters through the
door behind her desk. JOSEPH sits down again, next to HAILYME)
HAILYME How is he doctor?
DOCTOR Are you asking me for an
opinion on his physical condition?
HAILYME Yes. Is he _ allright?
DOCTOR In my opinion, his physical
health is remarkable, considering what he put himself through. Though I suppose
anyone willing to undergo being deep-frozen like that needs to be made of
pretty strong stuff.
JOSEPH And his mental health?
DOCTOR Mentally, I’d say he’s _
(The doctor is interrupted by a
ringing sound, like an amplified oven-timer bell. The clockwork ticking and red
light on the operating box stop at the same time)
DOCTOR Excuse
me, one moment.
(The doctor walks over to the
Operation Box and opens the door)
DOCTOR (Undoing the straps that
hold Susan Weston in place) You’re all done now Ms. Weston. Just get
dressed and you’re free to go.
SUSAN (Opening her eyes)
Thank you doctor. Hello HailyMe. See you later at the office?
HAILYME Yes, Susan. (To JOSEPH) I’ll
introduce you later.
(Susan goes behind the screen, and
during the following conversation we see various items of her clothing
disappearing over the top of the screen as she gets dressed)
JOSEPH (Discreetly) Does she
know about Subud?
HAILYME (Discreetly) No. Be
careful what you say. It might not be the right time for her yet.
DOCTOR (Returning to her desk) Now
where were we? You were asking about the patient’s mental health.
JOSEPH Yes. He’s very important for
us.
DOCTOR As you are obviously
very important for him. We had great difficulty tracing you. After 6000
years we were sure it must have died out. Amazing how these ancient sects keep
going. It’s the secrecy that protected it, I suppose, strange rituals behind
closed doors and all that.
HAILYME I can assure you we’re not at
all secret. Anyone can join. We don’t believe in propaganda, that’s all.
DOCTOR Are there many who practise
your religion?
JOSEPH It’s not a religion.
HAILYME About five thousand,
world-wide.
DOCTOR We thought it would help the
patient’s mental condition to humour him, to be able to offer him something
from his own time, if you follow me, so we’re very grateful to you “Subdued”
people
HAILYME Soo-bood.
DOCTOR I beg your pardon?
HAILYME Soo-bood. It’s called Soo-bood.
It’s actually a contraction of three Sanskrit words; Susila, which means right
living according _
DOCTOR (Hurriedly interrupting)
Quite. And the patient keeps on and on about the car park. “Car park this” and “Car park that”.
JOSEPH I think he’s saying “BarPark”.
DOCTOR Do you? He speaks a very
strange tongue. You may have difficulty understanding him.
Maybe it’s best if I
bring him in now.
I warn you, he’s
wearing the primitive ancient costume and headgear that he had on when we
defrosted him. Please don’t show any
surprise or alarm at his mode of dress. We don’t want to disturb the patient.
JOSEPH /
HAILYME (At the same time) Of
course not, Doctor / We’ll be careful, we promise.
(The DOCTOR leaves the room. SUSAN,
now fully dressed, emerges from behind the screen and leaves via the corridor
door)
SUSAN (To HAILYME) See you later.
HAILYME Bye, Susan.
The DOCTOR returns with GREG TAYLOR,
who is wearing 21st century shorts, open-necked shirt and large sun-hat. He is
sun-tanned, smiling and relaxed)
GREG G’Day!
(He’s an Australian)
DOCTOR Now, Mr Taylor, would you like
to sit down here.
GREG (Sitting
down) No worries!
DOCTOR Mr Taylor, we’ve already
confirmed that you have arrived in the year eight thousand and twelve.
GREG Bonza!
(*In the
following dialogue the Doctor’s repeated use of “yes” is a polite “yes”. She
doesn’t understand what Greg Taylor is saying)
DOCTOR *Yes. I understand that was
your intention when you froze yourself inside your most remarkable casket of
ancient technology.
GREG Too right!
DOCTOR Yes. And we have left no stone
unturned in finding for you two “Sub – ood” members to talk to, as you
requested.
GREG Beaut!
DOCTOR Yes.
This lady and gentleman here are they.
GREG This is a Subud hospital
and you’re the managing directors?
JOSEPH Afraid
not. We just work in the city.
GREG (Standing up) So
you’re taking me to a Subud hospital.
(Noticing their hesitation) Problem? Where is it? Woop Woop?
HAILYME There
are no Subud hospitals
GREG She
did say this was the year eight thousand and twelve?
HAILYME Yes.
GREG So, what happened to the
Subud hospitals Bapak talked about?
JOSEPH We’re still working on that
idea. We do have an excellent Susila Dharma rep. Very good at handing out
newsletters on latiharn nights.
GREG (Sitting down) I’m
stonkered, mate.
DOCTOR I’d like to take notes of this
interview, if you don’t mind.
(She takes a
notepad and pen out of her desk drawer)
JOSEPH Of course, Doctor. Please go
ahead. And if there is anything we can explain to you about Soobood, we’d be
delighted.
DOCTOR It’s solely the patient I’m
interested in. I have a duty to monitor his mental recovery.
GREG She’ll be apples. (Aus
slang: means “it’ll be fine”)
DOCTOR Yes.
GREG I made this journey to the
future because I wanted to live in a world that was under the guidance of the
latihan. In my day, Subud was just starting out.
HAILYME We’re dying to ask you about
the early days of Soobood. You see, all records have been lost.
GREG What
happened to the archives?
HAILYME Very
little survived the Great Catastrophe.
GREG The
Great Catastrophe?
DOCTOR (Looking up from her notes)
Mr. Taylor. We have
prepared a number of charts to aid your orientation to the modern world.
(The DOCTOR pulls
down the first of her wall charts, which shows a map of the world but with no
landmasses below the Equator, apart from the South Pole – they have been
replaced on the map by blue sea)
DOCTOR The archeological evidence
indicates that an asteroid collided with Earth in the year 3010. It landed on a
large continent
above the South Pole, just about here (She points to where Australia once
was), wiping out the entire
southern hemisphere.
(The DOCTOR lets go of her wall chart. It has a strong spring and rolls itself up with a dramatic snap. Hint to props – use a domestic roller blind with a paper map stuck to it)
GREG Cripes! What about books and written records?
JOSEPH All destroyed in the
subsequent world-wide fire-storm.
GREG Computer
records and magnetic tape?
JOSEPH All wiped by the great solar
wind of 3052
GREG International helpers,
handed-down the Subud traditions from their forbears?
HAILYME All drowned in the mega-tsumani
of 4005
GREG Did
nothing survive?
HAILYME A
single copy of Barpark’s helpers’ handbook
GREG What
happened to that?
JOSEPH An elderly lady helper lost it
on the number 21 bus on the way to latiharn.
HAILYME So you see you are the only
person on earth who knows how Soobood really was.
DOCTOR (Looking up again from her
note taking) Talking of archaeology, I know a few professors who are
itching to interview you, Mr Taylor. They’re hoping you can settle the
Australis controversy.
(GREG looks puzzled. He goes to the wall and unrolls the map to look at it. He is upset by the absence of Australia)
HAILYME The
mythical island of Australis
DOCTOR “Where maidens danced
bare-chested, young men drank nectar, and it’s reputed you could hear the music
of the Gods.”
JOSEPH No
place like that could ever have existed, of course.
GREG Dunno. Sounds like our
local bar on lapdance night. Not sure about the “music of the Gods”, though.
The karaoke was always a bit on the naff side if you want my opinion.
(They look at him incomprehendingly)
DOCTOR (To HAILYME and JOSEPH)
I’ll try to get an interpreter. It’s like no dialect known to modern man.
Perhaps it’s the lost dialect of Shakespeare.
GREG (Letting go of the wall
chart with a snap and returning to sit down again) So answer me this. Is it
or is it not the “Golden Age”?
DOCTOR Well that’s extraordinary. How
did you know this would be called the Golden Age. (Stands up and goes to the
wall) Look! We’ve prepared a second wall chart. (Pulls down another
chart)
DOCTOR Mr. Taylor, you lived in what
we now refer to as “The Petroleum Age”
GREG As kiddies, we were taught
about the Stone Age and the Bronze Age.
DOCTOR Yes, here we have them on the
chart: Stone age, Bronze Age, Iron age, Petroleum age, Ignorant age and now
Golden age.
GREG Our “petroleum age” was
superseded by the “Ignorant age”?
DOCTOR Yes, the age of religious
ignorance where the ignorant were manipulated by the spiritually proud to
commit atrocities on a grand scale. Nearly wiped out the human race. Luckily
the Great Catastrophe saw an end to that.
(She lets go of
the wall chart and it curls up vigorously with a loud snap)
GREG So
how come it’s now the Golden Age?
DOCTOR The World Council of Nations
met and decided on drastic action. They decreed it was against the law to use
religion for anything other than the good of mankind. You could be instantly
put to death for implying your religion was superior to anyone else’s.
GREG A bit drastic, wasn’t it.
DOCTOR Not really. You see the death
penalty was hardly ever actioned. Once people could no longer use religion as
an excuse to hate each other, to commit bloodthirsty atrocities, to dress up
and parade how pious they were, religion lost all its attraction, and more or
less faded out. Instead, people just got on with the business of enjoying life.
The result was world peace. Religion
had finally been disposed of, and a new golden age was ushered in.
GREG But I thought this was the
golden age of Subud. Bapak said so in his talks. “In 6000 years there would be
a golden age.” That’s why I froze myself.
I set the timer so I could wake up to meet it.
HAILYME (Discreetly to Greg) A
Golden Age, but not The Golden Age of Soobood. We’re still being made
ready.
JOSEPH And on that subject we’re very
anxious to know the correct way to ready our applicants for their opening.
HAILYME (Rambling) Joseph and I
feel that’s it all too casual. We just open people without letting them know
what’s behind it all. If only we had Barpark’s original Opening Words, then
people could get a proper introduction. I’m sorry to have to talk like this. I
don’t like to be negative, because then members get easily discouraged and if
you’re going to change the world it’s important not to get discouraged isn’t
it?
(start to fade up ticking timer noise)
JOSEPH You see nobody knows what the
opening words are supposed to be and if you could tell us what to say we feel
sure that Soobood would start to progress in leaps and bounds and _
(Ticking timer noise now faded to maximum volume and
lighting now faded to blackout to suggest passage of time.
After a few seconds, fade out ticking, and fade up
lights.
When the lights fade up GREG is sitting facing the
DOCTOR at her desk and JOSEPH and HAILYME are front stage right, deep in
thought. HAILYME is holding a notebook and pen)
DOCTOR _ and the government have
awarded you a full monetary grant in recognition of your outstanding scientific
achievement -- suspended animation.
GREG How do I find somewhere to
live?
DOCTOR I’ve got some pictures and maps
for you to look at. “Castle Park” is a very nice area _
GREG Mind if I take a Captain
Cook?
DOCTOR Yes.
Why don’t you take a
look? Come round to my side of the desk.
(GREG moves round to the DOCTOR’s side of the desk and
he and the DOCTOR murmer away in conversation about the maps and pictures)
JOSEPH That was very difficult,
wasn’t it?
HAILYME Very.
JOSEPH Do you think you got all the
words?
HAILYME (Looking over her notebook)
Yes, I do, but it was hard work.
JOSEPH All those questions about
enterprise and hospitals and schools and concert halls and art galleries and
why hadn’t Subud done this and why hadn’t Subud done that. A very impatient
man.
HAILYME After all, what does he expect
Subud to achieve in only 6000 years.
JOSEPH It’s just the blink of an eye
in God’s master plan.
HAILYME People are always thinking they
can go faster than the Almighty.
JOSEPH Never mind. We have our
Opening Words. So, what to do with them? Contact the International Helpers?
DOCTOR __ And maybe when you’ve got
used to living here, you will start to lose your accent.
GREG Lose
my accent?! My accent is sacred !
(The DOCTOR and GREG continue their murmered
conversation about the maps and pictures on the desk)
JOSEPH (TO HAILYME) Did you
hear that? That’s it! He said his accent was sacred.
HAILYME It must be the received accent
of the ancients.
JOSEPH The ancients were, of course,
less influenced by the nafsu than we are in modern times.
HAILYME You’re right. That explains why
Soobood hasn’t got anywhere. We’ve lost the ability to talk from our inner.
GREG (Loudly, to ALL)
Anyone got some grog? I’m as dry as a dead dingo’s donger.
HAILYME I
really feeeeeeel the latiharn when he talks like that.
JOSEPH Powerful
stuff.
DOCTOR O.K. We can take a break there,
Mr Taylor. Because you have requested these Soob-Odd people to look after you, I am temporarily releasing you to their
hospitality. I suggest they take you to a restaurant, but first it’s necessary
they fill in some forms. Would you mind waiting here while we go down to
administration? _ Oh, I almost forgot, we have to take you down for a short
press conference before you leave the building.
GREG I’ll
give it a burl.
DOCTOR Yes.
(To
JOSEPH and HAILYME) Please follow me.
(The DOCTOR, JOSEPH and HAILYME exit via the corridor door.
GREG goes to the window and stands looking out)
GREG (Moaning
loudly) I want to go home!
(He
turns and walks to the front of the stage)
But
you can’t go home, me old cobber, me old Subud matey, so you’d better make the
best of it.
If only we could
have seen then how it would all turn out, we’d have been a lot less too bloody
smug with ourselves, a lot less ready to give ourselves a pat on the back for
our precious patience and sodding submission. Oh yes.
Enterprise! Tch!
Don’t make me laugh. Best bloody enterprise Subud ever did was the “Don’t
change a thing” enterprise. Maybe that’s what they should do – set up an
enterprise to advise worthless managers on how to justify their existence.
They’ve had enough bloody practise at it themselves.
Hindsight’s a
wonderful thing. It’s the law of
evolution –- what survives, perpetuates itself –– Subud’s not bad, just
mediocre, always has been. It ticks along, perpetuating its mediocrity, not bad
enough to die out, not good enough to grow. The worse of it is the conceit –
seeing God’s plan in total mediocrity.
I could do with a
drink. After 6000 years, I really could do with a drink.
(SUSAN enters by the corridor door)
SUSAN (Knocking on the door and
entering) Excuse me, Doctor, I left my handbag_ (She collects the
handbag that is in front of the screen)
(Spotting GREG) Ooo!
Hello! Aren’t you sun-tanned!
GREG My name’s Greg.
SUSAN And so rugged.
GREG Have you come to debrief
me?
SUSAN Don’t tempt me.
My name’s Susan. You
can call me Sue, when you’ve got to know me better.
GREG Fancy going for a drink,
Sue?
SUSAN Calling me Sue already. Fast
mover, aren’t you? That makes two of
us. (She opens her handbag and pulls out a large bottle of vodka)
We can go in there.
(Indicates the door behind the doctor’s desk)
(GREG and SUSAN leave through door, closing it behind
them.
Fade up ticking timer noise, and blackout lighting to
suggest passage of time.
After a few seconds, fade out ticking, and fade up
lights
Enter DOCTOR, JOSEPH and HAILYME from corridor door)
DOCTOR Thank you for you co-operation.
Sorry about all the form filling. We have to know whom we are dealing with _
Where is he?
(A noise of drunken laughter is heard from the room behind the doctor’s desk. The door opens and GREG and SUE with their arms round each other tumble into the room, laughing. GREG is holding the bottle of vodka which is now nearly empty. Sue’s clothing is disarranged and she is showing a great deal of cleavage)
GREG We’re getting married.
SUSAN My name’s Sue.
And I’m joining Sue
– bood
(SUSAN and GREG laugh drunkenly)
I’m very Sue
– Sheila
(SUSAN and GREG laugh drunkenly)
GREG Too bloody right! You’re a
Sue and you’re a “Sheila”.
(SUSAN and GREG laugh drunkenly)
Sue–Sheila Bloody
Karma!
SUSAN Suuuueeee – per!
(SUSAN and GREG laugh drunkenly)
JOSEPH You’re drunk.
SUSAN Careful. That’s slander. I
might Sue!
(SUSAN and GREG collapse in hysterical laughter)
DOCTOR I’ll give them a detox shot
(The DOCTOR produces a very large space-age gun and
points it at GREG and SUSAN. The gun emits an intense beam of white light while
making an electronic whirring noise. GREG and SUSAN are dazzled by the light.
As soon as the light is switched off, they are immediately sober)
SUSAN (Hastily adjusting her
dress and very embarrassed) I just came back for my handbag. Must be going.
Two o’clock meeting. (She leaves hurriedly)
GREG (Dazed) What
happened there?
DOCTOR A shot from the Sobering Gun,
Mr. Taylor. In the Golden Age we have pacified the two major scourges of
mankind – religious fanaticism and drunkenness. Now that you’re sober
again, do you feel ready to meet the world’s press?
GREG I
do.
DOCTOR Then I’ll take you over to the
conference centre. Follow me. (To JOSEPH and HAILYME) You’re welcome to
wait here till we return.
GREG See you later.
(The DOCTOR and GREG leave)
JOSEPH This is a disaster.
HAILYME I thought we were going to get
a committed Soobood member, not a free-thinker.
JOSEPH We’ll
have to head him off at the conference centre.
HAILYME Do
you think he’ll agree to test his attitude?
JOSEPH Not
while he’s in crisis.
HAILYME He’ll
talk about Soobood!
JOSEPH Propaganda is not permitted. Barpark
said so.
HAILYME He
might say something bad about Soobood!
JOSEPH Bad propaganda is certainly
not permitted!
May I use your video
phone?
HAILYME Here
it is.
(JOSEPH presses a button on the phone)
PHONE “International Helper Office”
JOSEPH (Talking face to face with
the phone) Hello. We need a world latihan for a very sick man. It’s urgent.
We’re coming over to see you now.
HAILYME Are we going there immediately?
JOSEPH Yes_ Wait! We’ve forgotten the “Opening Words”. We should give
them to the International Helper Office. Let’s have a rehearsal to make sure
we’ve got them right.
HAILYME Do we have time?
JOSEPH It won’t take long. This could
be Soobood’s defining moment. I’ll be a person ready to be opened.
HAILYME OK. I’ll be the helper. Well, I
am a helper (giggles). “Welcome to your first Soobood latiharn.
Before I read you the Opening Words I must ask what your name is.”
JOSEPH It’s
Joseph.
(slight pause)
HAILYME No,
it can’t be Joseph, can it?
JOSEPH Why
not?
HAILME Because I’m a woman. I
wouldn’t be opening a man,
would I?
JOSEPH Wait! (He walks to the
privacy screen over which there is draped a bright pink fluffy feminine robe.
He puts on the robe over his clothes) Now I’m “Josepha”.
HAILYME O.K. Let’s start again.
“Welcome to your first Soobood latiharn. Before I read you the Opening Words I
must ask what your name is.”
JOSEPH (In
imitation high female voice) I’m Josepha.
(slight pause)
HAILYME There’s
still a problem.
JOSEPH What’s
that?
HAILYME Joseph’s
a Subud name, isn’t it?
JOSEPH Yes.
HAILYME So
Josepha would be the female equivalent.
JOSEPH It’s
a perfectly acceptable Subud name.
HAILYME Well how come she’s got a Subud
name if she hasn’t been opened yet?
JOSEPH I see what you mean_ Call me
Susan!
HAILYME Start again. __“Welcome to your
first Soobood latiharn. Before I read you the Opening Words I must ask what
your name is.”
JOSEPH (In
imitation high female voice) I’m Susan.
HAILYME (Running round the room,
waving her arms) Oooo-laa ! La! La! La! Weeeeeeeee !
JOSEPH What
are you doing?
HAILYME I thought we were acting it
out. I was pretending to be doing my clearing latiharn.
JOSEPH Perhaps you’d like me to
pretend to be doing my nail varnish and fixing my lipstick while I’m waiting.
HAILYME You’re right. It wasn’t
necessary. Let’s move on.
Joseph_ I mean
Susan_ I will now read you the opening words. “Here’s_”
JOSEPH (Interrupting) You must
use the sacred accent.
HAILYME I must?
JOSEPH You must. In fact, the whole
of Soo-bood will want to talk like Greg Taylor once they’ve heard the sacred
voice.
HAILYME I will now read you the opening
words:
(Reading
with a very strong Australian accent)
“Here’s the good oil.
So that we don’t make a blue, with a bodgy opening, we ask is the lat your bowl
of rice? You won’t come a gutser or be as cross as a frog in a sock. Remove
watches and jewellery. You can keep your grundies on. Then it’s Begin and we do
the Harold Holt. Mind your own bizzo, give it a fair go, and it’ll be good onya
after thirty shakes of a possum’s behind, and Finish.”
(In her normal
voice) I’m reading it, but I don’t understand a word of it.
JOSEPH Don’t you see? It’s perfect!
If the applicant understood what we were saying, it could so easily lead to
misunderstanding, but if the applicant doesn’t understand, they can’t
misunderstand either. So later when they find out they didn’t understand but
now they do understand that they were really worshipping Almighty God all
along, then because we didn’t lead them to either understand or misunderstand,
their understanding won’t have been disappointed, so they’ll have no excuse to
leave Subud as a result of the misunderstanding. _ Do you understand?
HAILYME Yes. Perfect. BarPark’s Opening
Words. Just like he said it was to be done. At last.
Greg Taylor!
JOSEPH To the international helpers,
then to the press conference!
(As they exit through the door) You know
what I always thought was so important in Soobood?
HAILYME What?
JOSEPH That we don’t use the mind too
much.
HAILYME (Strong Australian accent)
That’s fair dinkum! Stands out like a shag on a rock!
(They exit, closing the door behind them)
(After a few seconds the door opens and the pink robe
that Joseph was wearing is flung through it onto a nearby chair. The door
closes again)
(Fade up sound of ticking alarm clock)
(Fade out stage lights)
(After a few seconds, the ticking stops)
(THE END)