God’s Teeth


Five Poems and a Chuckle by Stefan Freedman


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His Bad Side


Ours is The One Way

There’s no other Truth

Just decoys and traps


The prize is

Rapturous heaven



While you lot are,

You know,

Stir-fried forever


Well, you know what God’s like.

You really don’t want to get on

His Bad Side


God’s Year Off


When God went on Sabbatical

All the faithful

Took a break

From praying,

From believing


Religious wars

Fizzled out

The whole human family

Gazed amazed

At a peaceful world


Then someone yelled

‘Watch out

Here comes the substitute’

She looked aged and tired

Not much of a God, really


But reluctantly

We all slouched back home

To pick up our weapons




Good Heavens


In heaven

We’ll take no gender benders

No tree huggers or save-the-sardiners

No freaky, frilly, peace peddlers


And they won’t let you in either

You lily livered liberal

Sharing your slice of wholemeal vegan quiche

Sipping an organic chamomile infusion


I guarantee we’ll be normal

Right thinking

Every one


And just in case

I’m bringing my gun



The Higher the Fewer


Ours is The One Truth

But surely you see

Your faction is losing the plot


It’s no disgrace, friend,

Look, even my congregation

Mostly get tangled up in details

Missing the whole point


To be honest there are only

Three of us here

Who really get it


And the other two, bless them,

Are obsessive old fossils

Who no longer know

What month it is


Which leaves





Welcome to the Spiritual Helpline


If you’re a Subud member hold on

while we test which service you need


If you’re in crisis get over here

and join the party


If you’re into enlightenment hang up

and you will become non-attached


If you’re into Astral Travel, thank you

for having a low carbon footprint


If you’re RC you need to know:

it is all your fault!


If you’re an Atheist, God help you


If you’re a Rabbi carefully remove

a small portion of your phone


If you’re Satan will you

please stop gloating


If you’re God, don’t give up on parenting

— and better luck next time!


Just Here


Just here

Within the noise

— a silence

Within the pain

— a balm


Just here

God who abandons

Our lives

To wolves of hazard

Picks up

All the broken remains

And holds them

Close to her bosom


Just here

Within the noise

— stillness

Within the pain

— release



As a lover’s kiss


As my right hand


As the ocean


For here

Between breath and skin

There is no